So today I've been
having one of those days where I've been thinking so much and my mind is all
over the place trying to comprehend my thoughts and make sense of all of them,
So I thought why not write my thoughts (Well type) where they'll make sense.
I've been thinking a
lot lately about life. I know I've done this before but this is just making me
think so much about my life and where I’m heading in life. My goals,
expectations, decisions and it’s all becoming so much that it’s confusing and
making me worried. So to start with I’m going to say Results day…
Two very simple words
but also the most terrifying words to me at this moment in time. It’s only 19
days until I walk through the doors of my high school to pick up my results. These
results will determine if I get into college or not. It will determine how good
of a job I’ll get and on top of that it will determine how proud my parents
will be of me. I need 5 C’s or above and that is it! it doesn’t seem like much
but it’s terrifying, just waiting around for the day to come. I’ve done the
exams and there is nothing I can do about it. Yet no matter how much I try to
forget about that dreadful day it manages to barge its way straight back. I
know some of you will be in the same position and it’s terrible, I guess until
then you have to just try to push it to the back of your mind and ignore it or
like what I’m doing just distracting myself with anything I can.
Another thought is
leading on from results is college. I’m terrified. I’m not out going I’m not
loud I’m not social, I’m probably the complete opposite I’m shy, timid and
quite anti social. I made some wonderful friends in high school and it
terrifies me that I’m not going to be able to just see them after every lesson.
I won’t see them at all. I’m going to a complete new area with new people. I
mean there might be people from my old school, but I don’t talk to them. They
aren’t my friends they are people I know. It terrifies me that I could be
friendless. It terrifies me that this confidence I built up in my last year is
going to crumble and I’m going to be back at the beginning.
To top it off I still
am confused over the courses I want to take. I'm panicked that I’m going to
take a course that I’ll hate. I know I want to do Media and English language
but I need one more. I have either photography or English lit. Photography Is
terrifying me I'm scared that I won’t be creative enough for the course and
English Lit the exam terrifies me I don't think I can do the exam without having
the book there with me. So I don't know what to do for that.
Yeah this is pretty
depressing so far how can I change this around? I've been thinking about my
friends lately and how leaving school has caused us to drift apart with
everything we have had on. Like two of my friends going on holiday and another
going on the NCS trip. I've drifted apart a lot I’d say, but even though I have
I've easily picked up a conversation with each of them and it’s as if we've
been speaking everyday and I'm thankful for this. If I lost the friends I have
now I'd be upset as I already drifted from three of my friends. I love my
friends and i love that I think I went nearly a month without talking to some
of them and I just randomly texted them one day and we had a conversation if
you read it you wouldn't think we had stopped talking for that length of time.
I think to end this
I’m going to share my thoughts about blogging. I've had this blog for about
five full months now (or just over) and I'm shocked at how well this has gone.
I originally didn’t want to do this, I had no intentions of becoming a blogger,
but after some long arguments with my best friend she convinced me (well forced
me) to start this blog up. She put it all together for me she came up with the
name and she showed me the basics and she posted the introduction post. I'm
actually so happy she forced me to do this because I’m enjoying this my blog
currently has 906 views and I have 78 followers on blog lovin’ and I’ve had the
occasional comment on posts and I’ve realised that writing and putting effort
into blogging actually makes me very happy i've. Even if I don't have many views or
followers I’m enjoying what I do.
So to properly end
this post I'm going to say ‘if it makes you happy do it,’ It’s very simple and
it’s something so small but if you enjoy doing something whether it’s something
like writing, singing, going out, watching TV programs anything then do it,
don't let other peoples judgments get in the way. At the end of the day it’s
your life not theirs, so gain that control and control your own life.
Emma
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